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i get lost in my mind.
i have these moments where i just look in the mirror and know who i am.
like i'm supposed to be laying here with my dog stretched across my feet, snoring.
being broke and being in graduate school and being overwhelmed all the time and working full-time and going to my internship every day is horrible. it's awful. i break down in tears more often than i should. sometimes i come home and instead of being responsible i get stoned out of my mind just so i can sleep peacefully or sometimes i get blissfully drunk so i can watch television and cry.
i'm messy and i'm kind of crazy.
i've also never been so CONSISTENTLY happy.
i swear to god something in me has just changed. i'm lighter.
sometimes i look at andrew and think that he is the love of my life. the way he smiles in his sleep in the morning when i say his name before i leave for my internship warms my entire body. i sometimes think i shouldn't feel this way about someone when just this time this year i was living with patrick, haphazardly but living with him all the same. but i do, and it's the most intense feeling i've ever had.
i just finally love myself. i hardly ever have time to exercise and when i do it's just a quick run with luna, and i'm actually super unhealthy with my eating and drinking habits but after being so rigid for so long it is OKAY with me and i adore my body and oh my mind and personality as well.
i am well-aware that i am bat shit crazy, and i like that too.
11:59 p.m. - 2013-10-28
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