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god left the ground to circle the world.
on my antidepressants, i occasionally have suicidal ideations. i would never act on these, but i am often so tired just an eternal sleep sounds beautiful. constant movement is exhausting. monday through thursday, internship from eight to twelve. at least four or five days of the week, work from one to ten. on saturday, class from 8:30 - 5:30. i had the afternoon off from work yesterday, got home from my internship and i slept for six hours. i slept the entire day away. i could have been doing other things, but i was far too tired. i want to tell my doctor, that sometimes i fall asleep while having conversations with people. what does this mean?
i am so happy here, with my darling babies.
i doubt myself often, fear that i am as lazy and disgusting as it appears others think of me. constantly ask my boyfriend, "does it look okay in here? is too messy? should i clean more?" i obsessed over this yesterday while doing the dishes, cruel words tend to stick so much longer than they should. i am competent though, realizing that i take care of things that are mine, in places i want to be.
i thought men would stop hitting on me once i cut all my hair off, and i wish i knew what shade of lipstick to buy.
10:41 p.m. - 2013-10-11
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